Lately I’ve had a creative block again.
I don’t know why it runs in these cycles.
I honestly feel I need to find I guess a group or something that will make me continue to write.
But all I can do at the moment is consume.
Everyday I refresh YouTube and watch content from my favs. About a year ago I cleared out a lot of channels I stopped caring about or whom stopped making content but lately it’s been going back up again. I don’t even know why I do it.
I feel it’s more like… I don’t want to think about doing something on my on so I refresh and see what others have done. Then I get bummed out and keep refreshing. Even lately though there’s nothing to watch, or the opposite there’s too much to watch. I can’t watch it all during the day, so I save tabs for the next. So I have preloaded content so I don’t have to think about my own.
I really don’t know why my mind is doing this and it’s frustrating.
I think this is really bothering me now because my roommate has started writing himself. Started writing a story he wanted to a while back and he’s multiple chapters in…
I’ve never been multiple chapters in a story. I typically can’t get past the first chapter, or even the first few paragraphs.
I guess I need to look at why I want to create again. Do I want to do it for fame and money, no not really. Do I want to do it for myself… yes…
This hesitation bothers me though. I want to do it for myself of course but there’s something there that just feels off.
I want to be the dreamer that I was when I was a kid. I just think modern society has killed that dreamer. If you do anything it has to be for profit otherwise you are wasting your time. I guess since I must be wasting my time might as well actually waste it then. Watch more crap, consume more media, feel horrible about it and then binge so more because of it. It’s like feeding your emotions with media rather than food (what I used to do before glp1s).
Maybe this is a sign that I seriously need to look into ADHD meds as well. I need my mind to stop being a storm and need it to be clear for once. So I can focus on the things I truly desire to do.
Cyan