Cyan Gear

So it’s heading into the holiday season and my Target has finally figured out “Hey this is a useful employee maybe we should give him more hours”. So now every day that I don’t have off for school (which is Monday and Tuesday) I work YAY. It is a good thing cause money has been rather tight even if they don’t pay nearly enough to begin with. I don’t know what is wrong with me today. I feel very blah. I’m sure it has a little to do with politics cause I know now things have to get a lot worse before they get better, and believe me if you voted republican (not that I think all republicans are bad just a high majority are) they will get a lot worse. It doesn’t help that I waited too late to vote should have done so early or at least before heading to school. I feel like one of my classes is great but the teacher doesn’t know half of what he’s talking about and shouldn’t be teaching the subject, the other two classes I love though. I have this feeling that whatever job I may get from this new education will be similar to what I have currently, basically a shit job that anyone can get and the pay being not worth going in for. I have no clue what to do next semester besides take only two classes cause the money from FAFSA will pay off debts so I can continue going to school.

I miss my family and friends. I know I will get to see my friends soon which will be really nice. I really appreciate my roommate but we are both struggling with a bit of money right now. I really hate money and wish there was someway we could get large copious amounts of it. In truth I just want enough to never have to worry about it, know that things are paid for, know that if I buy something here or there (nothing huge mind you) that I won’t have to worry about it, that I won’t run out of credit or run out of cash in the bank.

This holiday season like many others in the past I won’t be giving out gifts even though it’s something that gave me tons of joy, I will just be barely getting by, and I really hate that feeling. That’s the main reason for going back to school, but I’m doubting that that will change anything. I know I have changed. I am a bit more risk taking, otherwise why go back to school at all, why be super poor when I could just be comfortable in a crappy job. I guess I just need someone to tell me everything will be alright, that I am doing the right/smart thing, that in the end I will have the life I dreamed of (which for me really all I want is to be comfortable even though I dream big otherwise). And, as all of us, I just want to be loved. I know there are many people out there that love/care about me but being alone most of the time it’s hard to see.

So that’s it really. I think I just needed to get this off my chest.

So since I decided to leave livejournal… well not really leave it just no longer pay for it, I’ve decided to make this my new blog.

Nothing otherwise has really changed about me, although will probably add an about me section and link to my old LJ. Nothing seriously exciting though.

Otherwise let’s see.

Today is my lets finished up homework day, for when I am super busy during the week. Last week I worked most of the week and when I had the free time really didn’t want to do the homework which I’d say was pretty stupid on my part, but only two of my classes actually had actual assignments to turn in. The Game Culture one is always easy whereas the Authoring Interactive Media is the one I am having issues with. My teacher for it isn’t bad but he could be much better, that and he’s just following someone else’s class plan that he doesn’t really know well himself it seems. Also it seems this class plan is a little old. I mean when have you ever really been to a website lately that will ask you questions in order to find out where you want to go on the site… besides a couple like dating sites and webMD not many. I’m kind-of irritated by this assignment though cause it seems pointless. I mean I am all for making websites, and really don’t mind sites that ask questions but there are no sites anymore that will load a new page after each question is asked, usually all the questions are asked at the very beginning and then the information you need is provided.

I also started calorie counting again. Really tired of being fat. I also started You Are Your Own Gym… well tried to. Need to do the exercises today but haven’t. The issue with YAYOG is I have no space in my place to do most of it, or it requires furniture that can handle lots of weight which we don’t have. But the thing is I want to do this. I’m so tired of my weight being an issue, a health issue, a clothing issue, etc etc.

I think I am going to try and participate in NaNoWriMo this year since there is no MFF and really don’t do MIR anymore, mainly cause I want to write again and want to finish something.

I think this is it for now. Will post more later.